Confessions Of A Candyhol!c

Christmas

2011-12-28T21:12:00.005-05:00

Mood:happy

I hope you guys all had a fabulous Christmas! I had lovely Christmas with my family, and I got: a tremendous amount of Dean Martin, and Frank Sinatra records, shoes, and another Rise Against poster.

Oh record player, how I love thee!

How was your Christmas? What was your favourite gift to give and to receive? c:

Sorry I haven't exactly been around in the blogosphere (besides Tumblr) lately. School and babysitting is really sucking the energy out of me.

I took a few self-portraits today...

The Sweetest Sixteenth Ever

2011-12-18T23:14:00.002-05:00

Mood:happy

My weekend was so perfect. Friday I went to a Holiday party with my parents and Sophia at U of M. It was for the athletic department and it really was a lot of fun! There was great food, dancing, prizes ~ lots of cool people and just a lot of fun overall! That day was my birthday and on that day, me and my friend Alison (who's birthday is after mine) got matching candle headbands and birthday sashes and it was great. In the morning, a random choir kid sang happy birthday to me, as did my entire Bio Class, my lunch table, and my friend Olivia. At lunch, Tory made us all individual cupcakes (each different flavours customed to our likings) and me and Alison both got HUMONGOUS cupcakes. Afterwards, she gave me part 1 of 2 of my birthday presents. A Black Flag shirt! :D

Then Saturday, Alison's 16th b-day party. It was so much fun! We arrived at the hotel at 4pm and then waited for the limo to arrive. It was a white limo, and of course me and Tory had to listen to Foo Fighter's White Limo while we were in the white limo because hey, it's a once in a lifetime thing you know? c: We went to the mall for a fun scavenger hunt and even though we didn't win, it was a lot of fun. Afterwards we went back to the hotel for food and played Just Dance. :D

TODAY. Oh my word. So today was MY birthday party. We went to this great 80s arcade named Pinball Pete's and had a blast. My cake (a Rise Against cake by Tick Tock Cakery) was PERFECTION and I almost didn't want to eat it because it was just so perfect. It was great just being able to spend time with all of my friends.

Presents: I got from my parents a Rise Against sweatshirt, a RA poster and a Moleskine notebook! :D From my friends I got iTunes gift cards, a necklace and guitar picks, a book called In the Woods, a headband, soap (lol), and the big mystery present that Tory got me - that she got ALL my friends to pitch in for - that she got everyone in on it except for me - A RECORD PLAYER! Oh my god I am still bursting with happiness. Along with that, she got me the limited edition Endgame vinyl.

I am going to spend all my cash on records and vinyls and I am never going to leave my room and I AM PERFECTLY OKAY WITH THAT.

I am so incredibly grateful for all of my friends and family and everything I have, as well as everyone in my life. I am so fortunate.

I haven't uploaded any pictures from the party yet but when I do I'll post them.

A list of books

2011-12-06T21:00:00.001-05:00

Just a list of books that I want to read. It's not the entire list (the list is over 50 books I'm sure). But yeah I just wanted to share my book list with you guys.

In the future, I want a huge library in my house, much like in Beauty & the Beast.

That is all.

Sweet Sixteen

2011-12-06T20:48:00.001-05:00

Mood:happy

I have been less inclined about posting personal posts / posts about my life lately, but just know that I've been extremely happy lately, and it's all because of one person. Someone that I'm incredibly grateful for. And though I'm young, and this may sound rather cheesy and silly of me, but he's my best friend and I can honestly see a future with him. And I'm not going to say anything more because I could just drone on and on about him. Just know that he makes me so happy, like nothing I've ever felt before.

My birthday is in 10 days. Turning 16 on December 16th and I absolutely can't wait! It's not going to be a huge party full of people who I don't know. Just my closest friends. We're going to an arcade in downtown Ann Arbor, and it's going to be a lot of fun. Memorable. I'd rather have a small, intimate party with a few close friends than a huge, forgettable party with people I don't care about.

Tory ~~my best friend~~ sister apparently got me something super awesome. And he got all my other friends in on it too, including my boyfriend (whom I mentioned above) and I'm basically the only person who doesn't know what it is. Supposedly I'm going to "freak out" when I find out what it is, and that "I'd never think of it." God, I love my friends so much. I have the greatest friends and boyfriend in the whole wide world.

Also, I'm getting a custom Rise Against cake! :D

I'm so excited!

Uh yeah, that's pretty much all I wanted to say :3

I'm sorry for not keeping up with this blog lately. I still haven't forgotten you guys! You all should follow my tumblr if you wish to keep more in contact with me.

Love yous,

ignite my bones with the fire within

2011-11-24T23:07:00.001-05:00

I know I haven't updated this blog in forever and I'm so so so sorry. I haven't been blogging a lot on here lately, and it's because I've been so busy and I'm too lazy to blog about my life because you guys really don't want to hear me ramble on about my life, right? So here are some photos I took to make up for it. Okay? :D

and she spins stars into the sky.

2011-10-23T15:45:00.004-04:00

Mood:happy

october wind

leaves in my hair

the little girl spins and spins and

s p i n s
weaving stars in the sky

until the pile of crinkly autumn leaves

fall at her feet.

fairy dust and glitter

in her eyes

the boy walks over,

their eyes light up.

i can almost hear their heartbeat

bu-thump bu-thump bu-thump

hugs. laughter. kisses.

the world is full of beauty.

how simple love is. how beautiful. how kind.

but my arms are the only ones that will hug me.

so i wrap my coat tighter around my body

and walk away quietly,

undetected,

the sound of laughter drowning in my mind.

what about me

a quiet autumn - an autumn playlist for you.

2011-10-02T12:06:00.003-04:00

Mood:inspired

These beautiful songs will make you feel all warm and cozy inside.

The Quiet Autumn

2011-10-02T12:01:00.000-04:00

I adore Autumn. It has to be my favourite season, though where I live, it seems rather short because Winters here are so incredibly long. I love so many things about autumn. Halloween, apple cider, warm fuzzy sweaters, the smells, the colours, everything... Nevertheless, here are some of my favourite things about Autumn.

1. Pumpkins

image via. tumblr.

2. Changing Leaves

autumn ride via. ming chai on flickr

3. Bonfires

image via. weheartit

4. Cozy sweaters and scarves

image via. tumblr.

5. Halloween

6. Hot chocolate

image via. weheartit

I can't wait to take pictures of all the pretty leaves with Ron (my camera).

fuzzy sweaters and autumn clothing

2011-10-02T11:26:00.001-04:00

Mood:alright

My Bill Cosby sweater and colourful beanie. Autumn is here. I adore autumn.

2011-09-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Mood:excited

Hello boys and girls. I feel like I'm writing to no one, since no one ever comments anymore. I have a feeling everyone is on Tumblr. I'm sorry I haven't written in over 2 weeks. It's simply horrid. And even if no one reads my blog anymore, I will still do posts for my own documentation.

A lot of things happened in the two weeks. First was I went to my first concert last Monday (9/19). 'twas a Foo Fighters concert that Rise Against was opening. As many of you know, Rise Against is my favourite band. It was great seeing them live. They played Audience of One, Savior, Prayer of the Refugee, Help Is On the Way, Satellite, Give It All, Ready to Fall, and Make It Stop (September's Children.) I wish they would've had their own show instead of opening, but Foo Fighters is a great band and though me and Tory didn't have floor seats, it was still amazing amazing amazing. I love it. Foo Fighters played a lot of songs. These Days, The Pretenders, Monkey Wrench, Arlandria... a lot of songs. We had to leave before they played Everlong though so we could get home at at least 1am. :P Live music is beautiful. It's a wonderful moment when people come together for music.

Bright Eyes came here during the summertime, but I didn't have money. D: adslasdfasd it would have been so great to see them live. I hope Rise comes to Michigan to do their own show soon. It was like 3 years since they'd come back, so of course there were a bunch of Rise fans at that concert.

Last week was homecoming week and oh man, was it busy. We had to do float building and the theme was Disney. Being the President of 2014 I of course had to help our. We did Finding Nemo, and though I wanted to do Lion King - it came out pretty well and I think we should have won at least 2nd instead of 3rd. :p The homecoming game was SO INTENSE man. We kept winning and then during the last few minutes, the other team scored by one point and then when it was down to a few seconds, we won points back. SO GREAT. Best homecoming ever. I didn't go to the dance this year, but I stayed in and tumbled all day and had a jam session to myself. ~~Homecoming is for people who have lives.~~ Sorry but I just don't find grinding up on people to horrible music appealing.

Our last marching season show is coming up and it's the senior show. We're playing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen, You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi and Holiday by Green Day. It's going to be great.

Also, my new iPod - a 7th generation 160 gig classic aldskjfalsdfas so excited - should be here soon. I'm going to name it Donnie Darko, after my favourite movie of the same name. lol get it? Because the ipod is black?

School has been boring and I need to make up a quiz in Accelerated American Lit because I wasn't there to take it because of band and now I have a B- in that class, and I'm really mad that I forgot to turn in a fucking TWO point assignment and it brought my grade down in Honours Bio to a B. So pissed. aldkjfasdf So currently a 3.567gpa when it should be higher. alkjdfaldsasfd But I'm not going to freak out about my grade like last year, every time that it slips a little because what can I do about it? It is what it is. Plus, my teachers don't really offer any extra credit this year. I can just hope to get 1/2 for turning the 2 point assignment in late, and for everything to balance out once we get more assignments.

Babysitting is great. The kids are great.

~~School sucks.~~
~~People suck.~~
~~Homework sucks.~~

~~We're doing the acid lab in Chemistry this week. I don't want to die omg and I don't understand how to write the procedures.~~

Okay bye.

To drown is a beautiful thing.

2011-09-10T01:01:00.001-04:00

Mood:inspired

These are but empty words
filling up the spaces between my lungs.
Empty spaces,
e m p t y ______________s.
And I once knew of a beautiful girl
and she had the saddest eyes in the whole wide world.
They could drown you,
drown you like the ocean.
And I once asked her,
"Do you like to hurt?'
She smiled at me
like the angel
she is and said,
"I love it so much that I would drown myself in it."
The ocean heard and thought she was so beautiful
that it gave her a big hug!
Embracing her in its arms.
To drown is a beautiful thing.

2011-09-10T00:44:00.000-04:00

Mood:stressed

Sorry I haven't been blogging. School (and my new job) leaves me with barely any time for anything, and I found out that my mom found me another job (for the weekends, since I only babysit weekdays) and I can make about $400 / month, and add the $200 from the babysitting, and that's $600. But on top of homework and band, I don't know if I can do it, but I'll try and if it gets in the way of my academics then I'll have to drop the weekend job. (My mom's friend at the weekend market she works at - she sells jewelry, accessories and art - is pregnant and needs someone to kind of help her now that she can't do a lot of things.)

First week of school - over with. I like all my teachers. They're all nice and I think that if I really really focus, then I should be able to get all A's again this year.

Classes I'm taking this year:
Chemistry
Honours Bio
Accelerated American Lit.
Symphonic Band
French I
Algebra II

I have friends in all my classes except for Alg. II but I think I'll be fine.

I'm so tired. We had a game today and it was raining the whole time so all of our music and instruments got wet.

I really want my next post to be a prose or poetry piece.

I feel like no one reads my blog anymore. No one comments ever. D: Not like before.

Anyway, good night.

Exhausted.

2011-08-28T17:36:00.001-04:00

Mood:content

Last weekend was incredibly busy and exhausting and I'm so relieved it's over. Let me tell you about it. Well Friday morning at 9am I had to go to sophomore orientation. I really should have gone later that day because when me and my friends got there, the place was brimming with phonies and people who I dislike. Our whole school district is being renovated so we had to have it at the middle school, which sucks because I really wanted to find where my classes and locker is. Doesn't matter that this is my second year at the high school, the place is huge and most of my classes last year were on the other side of the building. So I feel really bad for the Freshmen who don't even get to see where their classes are.

After that, I had to go to the high school at 4:30pm because our varsity football team had their first game that day. We - the marching band (and the very best part of the game ;D) - performed our show (which was relatively short) and it was great. The best part, actually, was that WE ACTUALLY WON. 27 - 0. Which everyone was siked over because in actuality, our football team SUUUUUUCKS. Like, last year we didn't win a single game. So of course it's great that we won the first game of the season! We have a tradition where if we win, then the marching band gets to wear our hats on backwards. I just know it's going to be a great season now. And after that, we went home and some of us went to a bonfire at a fellow bandmate's house. I wish more people came - most probably went home and slept after all that exhaustion - but those who did go were super cool (we have some great Freshmen this year) - and it was a lot of fun.

Yesterday, I went to a carwash to raise money for my band student account (we're going to Disneyworld this year for our band trip). It was really fun. We made $720 total that day.

So yes, it was a very exhausting weekend.

This weekend will be a little bit better but it will still be busy. September 1st the band leadership has to play something for the staff meeting, then I have to help at the U of M concessions.
Then the week after that, school starts.

Marching band just brings a whole lot of craziness and busyness to your life. It's a wonder how I survive with me being as lazy as I am.

Oh oh oh! I also forgot to tell you guys something! I got a job! Just a babysitting job, but still... it's fort the whole school year and I'll be able to make around $200 per month. alsdjaflsdfd I'm so excited! Maybe I'll be able to buy myself a new iPod before my birthday. Brb making a list of things I want to buy when I start earning money. xD Mostly band merch and books and camera stuff.

So yeah, that's it for now.

Toodleloo!

Angst, angst, angst!

2011-08-25T19:33:00.000-04:00

Mood:angsty

School starts in less than two weeks and I have mixed feelings about it. Though I'm not too excited about all the work and having to see all the typical high schoolers that I would rather not see, I guess I kind of want school to start just so I can take my mind off things. Just so I can do my homework and go on robot-girl mode and just not have to think about anything.

I don't know. This summer holiday went by so quickly I don't even remember anything, although looking back, I wish I'd done more than just loiter around the house on tumblr, etc. That's why I want to go back to school. Just so I feel like I'm doing something productive. This summer has been... rather angsty for me. It has been a summer of a lot of ups and downs and mood swings and I have no idea why. My parents have been pissing me off more than usual this summer. It's really odd. There are some moments where I feel like I could cry forever if I could, but I haven't had a good cry in ages. I feel like that is what I need. A good cry, and then I wouldn't feel like shit all the time. And nothing even happened. I can't tell if I'm just going through a rebelling, angsty teenage phase or if I'm actually depressed.

I also need to be a better daughter and help out around the house a lot more often.

Anyway, I'm sorry for blabbing but I just had to vent. ~~Me and my first world problems.~~ There are kids starving around the world and here I am whining and such. I'm such a horrible person.

Tomorrow is going to be busy day. From 9:00am-11:30 I have to go to sophomore orientation and then I have to be at the school at 4:30pm for band rehearsal and then to prepare for the football game, which will most likely end at 10pm.

And alas! Marching season begins.

What happened at band camp.

2011-08-12T15:23:00.000-04:00

Mood:happy

Today I went to the waterpark with my mom and Sophia. It was actually a lot of fun. It's the first time that I went swimming or anything of the sorts all summer. Now I'm thinking maybe I should have gone with them each time they went to the waterpark or went swimming. It's already starting to get cooler now.

I came home from band camp last Friday. WAH. So much work. Even more work than last year. I swear, if anyone tries to tell me that band couldn't be considered a sport, I'd have to fight back the urges to punch them. We have to learn some newer drills that we didn't learn last year, but aside from all the hard work, it was a lot of fun. I met some pretty cool freshmen. It's going to be a cool show, and a great marching season. We're going to be playing the songs Dynamite, Forget You, Respect, Life Is a Highway, and Jump In the Line (Shake Senora). I don't like the songs much, but I don't like most mainstream songs that play on the radio. Even so, we'll make it cool because I have great faith in our band. These people are like family. Here are some pictures for ya!

Free-time:

Skit-night:

Visitor's Day - Alumni comes to visit

The senior block into the lake:

Bonfire Night:

Confessions of an Admitted Bookworm

2011-07-30T17:01:00.001-04:00

Mood:bookish

If there's one thing that I've been doing a lot this summer, it's reading. This summer I've read Looking by Alaska by John Green, Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger, some Chuck Palahniuk novels, a Frank Sinatra biography, an Audrey Hepburn biography, and several other books.

The following books I got from the library today:

Tell-All by Chuck Palahniuk
Rant by Chuck Palahniuk
On the Road by Jack Kerouac
1984 by George Orwell
a Dean Martin biography
Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour, An Introduction by J.D. Salinger

I wanted to get several more books being the dork that I am - I even made a long list of books that I want to read - but I guess I'll save them for some other trips to the library.

What's the best book you've read this summer?

I've been really enjoying the twisted style of Chuck Palahniuk lately, and I've been dying to read more of Kurt Vonnegut's work, as well as David Levithan and John Green's books.

So much reading has kept the gears in my mind spinning, and hopefully I'll be able to write more. As you see, I've been writing a lot of short prose lately, but I can't seem to sit down and write a novel. I started writing a novel once, that I started in 5th grade. I enjoy had several English teachers look over it occasionally, but the longer I got into the book, the more I realised that I started writing it with no structured plot in mind and the conflict within the novel made little sense at all.

I've been trying to think of a plot structure/conflict that I can use to start writing another book, but nothing seems to be working right now. Hopefully by reading, some inspiration comes to mind. An epiphany, hopefully.

I will be going to band camp on Monday, for a week.

Then school starts in September. I'll tell you more about camp, and my class schedule soon.

Much love,

P.S. Where are you all?! Has my blog become so boring that you guys don't visit anymore?

Nightmare/The Void

2011-07-22T16:56:00.002-04:00

Mood:inspired

The man doesn’t see you. He can’t see you. You’re just another lonely ghost. The first thing you notice is the void. The blankness all around. There is nothing. No sky, no grass, no wind, no bird, no trees, no flowers, no sound of the rushing river, nor the sound of cars rushing by on the freeway. Nothing. Nothing except pure, white, nothingness. There’s not even a single drop of sunlight.

It is so bright that you think that maybe you’re going blind. But the man just sits there, staring blankly ahead, as if he was so used to the brightness. Out of habit, you shield your eyes with your hands, you squint and look up, but then remember that there is non sun in this place. Yet the man just stares blankly ahead, not squinting at all.

The man looks tired. Not tired in a normal sense, but tired as in all the colour has been drained out of his eyes, all the life out of his soul, as if there’s an invisible mountain on his shoulders. There’s almost a grey hue about him. It looks like he hasn’t shaven in weeks, maybe months, and his is hair is long and shaggy. He looks so tired. So, so tired. Eyes red and dark circles under his faded brown eyes.

You drift a bit closer then. There’s something that you just noticed, that you didn’t notice before. There’s blood all around him. Dried blood. It stains the white nothingness, and like a drop of blood in snow, it seems so out of place, that bright red on white. You notice the tears dripping down from his eyes. “I shouldn’t have done it,” you hear him say. “I shouldn’t have done it.” His head shakes back and forth slowly as he cries. It’s barely a whisper, but you hear him. You don’t know what he’s talking about, and you have no idea what to do.

And then, almost like you have an elastic band on you, you go flying backwards, and everything disappears, including the man.

You wake up.

Colour me dark auburn.

2011-07-21T16:07:00.001-04:00

Mood:happy

As you can see, I dyed my hair dark auburn yesterday. :)

Also, I shall post all my pictures from Vegas here, soon.

Or click here to see the complete album now. :3

Update on my Life

2011-07-18T16:26:00.002-04:00

Mood:happy

Sorry for not being an active blogger on here lately. >.< I just got home from my friend Rachel's house a few moments ago. I slept over at her house, along with Tory and Nicole and it was quite a fun night. Some of Rachel's older brother's friends were there too, and though it was a bit awkward for us, it was pretty funny, because one guy came, and Nicole has a tiny crush on him because she thinks he is super cute, so she was texting Rachel back and forth (the text said something along the lines of, "He is sooo cuuuute omg what do I do") and then Rachel showed me and Tory and then we all started laughing, and then everyone else turned to look at us. (Sorry for the run-ons). At first Nicole didn't want to come downstairs because she's scared of being awkward, so Rachel had to go upstairs and drag her down. 'twas a great night.

By now, I've gotten over the fact that I lost my iPod Mr. Sushi, even if my parents said they wouldn't buy me a new one. I'm using my dad's old iPhone for now, but it's barely 8 gigs, which, btw, wasn't even enough for my old iPod, for all the songs that I have, so Tory is lending me her old 8gig iPod. I have over 20 gigs of music on my computer so I'll have to be nit-picky about what I put on there. My music taste and knowledge has evolved quite a bit since I got my 8gig. I thought that 1000-ish songs were enough, but now it seems like such a small number. I hope I will be able to get a new iPod on my birthday or Christmas. But that's in December and still so far away.

Did you guys see the final Harry Potter movie? I saw it twice. Once (the premier) with Rachel, her brother and sister, Elise, my friend Olivia and her sister, and their friend, and then once when Tory and Nicole got back from camp, because they missed the premier. The first time I didn't cry. I couldn't. ~~I'm a robot.~~ The second time, I'll admit, I may have shed a few tears. Esp. at the part when Snape was holding the deceased Lily and rocking back and forth and crying. I mean I've read all the books, but to actually see it on screen.... plus, no more Harry Potter to look forward to - ever. It hurts.

I have band camp on the first week of August. And then after Labor Day, school starts. I can't help but feel like I'm wasting my summer away. I really haven't done anything useful or interesting, besides going to Vegas (which, btw, I shall edit and post soon I promise!)

What have you guys been up to this summer?

2011-07-08T13:56:00.000-04:00

I just got home from Vegas this morning. I'll have the photos posted up soon on my photography blog! c: It feels good to be home, though now everything is going to go back to being boring again. I'll tell you guys all about it soon. Right now, I'm a bit peeved because I lost my iPod (Mr. Sushi). Either on the airplane from Chicago back to where I live, or on the shuttle. ~~That thing is my sanity.~~ I'm in shock right now, and in morning. >_< I'm not really in the mood to talk about anything right now. We called the airport, but they haven't been able to look for it yet. I hope it finds its way back here. And if not, I hope I'll be able to convince my parents to get me that ipod classic 160GB that I've wanted, though that might take a bit of work. I don't know. I can't think straight. I'll post more about Vegas later.

Photography

2011-07-02T21:10:00.001-04:00

I would appreciate it if you all followed my photography blog. I never really post my photography here anymore, so please follow my photoblog, or add me on flickr (if you have one).

2011-07-01T13:50:00.004-04:00

Mood:hungry

My summer has been uneventful. I mean I didn't expect to be partying every day and such, but all I've been doing is sleeping, eating, watching TV and going on the computer. I realise that I haven't been blogging at all lately and I'm so so so so sorry about that! Tumblr has consumer me. :3 Anyway, I'll try to keep up with my blogging on here, okay?

I will be leaving for Vegas with my family on the afternoon of July 4th, and we'll be staying for four days or so. I'll be sure to take lots of photos, which I'll either post here or here. I'm excited. I've been to Vegas a couple of times before and it's always fun. You'd think that it's just a 'gambling' city but there's lots of other interesting stuff besides all that. I'll just have to get used to the heat because it has been pretty chill here in Michigan and it's 100-110 degrees over there. T_T My friend Bernice, who I haven't seen in awhile since she moved, lives in Las Vegas so I'll probably go and visit her! c: On that same day (the 4th of July) I have to be in the parade for my school marching band. I'm in band council this year! :D I did try out for section leader, but you can't really be section leader until your Junior and Senior year. :3 But it's still a position of leadership, so oh well. The parade ends at 12pm and our flight is at 3pm, so we'll have to leave quickly and go straight to the airport. >_< I'll have to change in the car, because I don't want to be in my marching uniform. I'll be all sweaty and gross ugh. I wish I didn't have to do the parade, but then again, I want to because we'll be marching with the Freshmen and we'll need all the help we can get because we look pretty sloppy. I'm sure we all looked like that last year when we were Freshmen too, though. It feels so great not being at the 'bottom' of the food chain anymore.

Oh, oh oh! Also! I'm going to a Foo Fighters w/ Rise Against concert in September with my friend Tory. I AM SO EXCITED. ASDFASDASFASDF!

Hmm. Well. That's all for now. Also, I've been reading a lot and may do some book reviews soon.

Love you all,

P.S. Hi to all the new followers! I'm sorry I haven't been able to stop by your blog. Tell me if you want me to check out your blog. c:

Everything is perfect, and then it's not.

2011-06-29T16:27:00.000-04:00

Mood:content


image via. tumblr

And sometimes the world smiles at you through its halcyon eyes, and everything seems perfect. The efflorescence of nature around you, the clouds, the birds, the trees. The wind sings its mellifluous songs to you. Everything is perfect. Except it's not.

And then somewhere a baby cries. Its mother just died. His father has fled. Then the sky grows darker as clouds roll in. The wind howls its song, but it's no longer gentle. It screeches and screams and pierces your eardrums a thousand times. Everything turns grey. The light that was once there is now gone. The nature around you, the clouds, the birds, the trees. Everything starts wilting.

Look around you, look around you, don't you see?

Everything's not perfect.

Everything is a fucking mess.

The American Nightmare

2011-06-24T15:50:00.002-04:00

a poem by me. Disclaimer: The video was not created by me.

America, we are your mannequins.
You tell us to be perfect.
So we become your idea of perfect.
You say you have to be skinny.
So we starve ourselves.
We become skeletons,
just skin and bones.
To satisfy what you have commanded us to do.
You give us a fashion magazine and say,
“You must look like this.”
So we dye our hair until it falls out,
and paint our lips blood red
until your words are bleeding from our mouths,
and cut our skin open to look like something else.
America, you tell us to follow our dreams.
But somewhere a single mother of five
who gets paid minimum wage
cries herself to sleep at night,
because her only son has died
to fight your fight.
Somewhere on the streets
a war veteran who has given you
everything, sleeps on the cold stone concrete,
and wonders what will become of him.
America, you don’t care.
So go fuck yourself with your atomic bomb.
Because as long as you have your 50 inch
flat screen TV, your Caddie, you XBOX 360
and your little Louis Vuitton bags, you’re fine.
Right?
America, you are not living, you’re dying the American Dream.

Make It Stop (September's Children)

2011-06-22T14:51:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

Woah, woah.

Bang bang go the coffin nails, like a breath exhaled,
Been gone forever.
It seems just like yesterday, how did I miss the red flags raised?
Think back to the days we laughed.
We braved these bitter storms together.
Brought to his knees he cried,
But on his feet he died.

What God would damn a heart?
And what God drove us apart?

What God could make it stop?
Let this end.
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
It's come to this,
A weightless step.
On the way down singing,
Woah, woah.

Bang bang from the closet walls,
The schoolhouse halls,
The shotgun's loaded.
Push me and I'll push back.
I'm done asking, I demand.

From a nation under God,
I feel it's love like a cattle prod.
Born free, but still they hate.
Born me, no I can't change.

It's always darkest just before the dawn.
So stay awake with me, let's prove them wrong.

Make it stop.
Let this end,
Eighteen years pushed to the ledge.
It's come to this,
A weightless step.
On the way down singing,
Woah, woah.

The cold river washed him away,
But how could we forget.
Gathering the candles, but not their tongues.

And too much blood has flown from the wrists,
Of the children shamed for those they chose to kiss.
Who will rise to stop the blood?

We're calling for,
Insisting on, a different beat, yeah.
A brand new song.

Whoa, whoa [x3]
(Tyler Clementi, age 18.
Billy Lucas, age 15.
Harrison Chase Brown, age 15
Cody J. Barker, age 17
Seth Walsh, age 13.)

Make it stop,
Let this end.
This life chose me, I'm not lost in sin.
But proud I stand of who I am,
I plan to go on living.

Make it stop,
let this end,
all these years pushed to the ledge,
but proud I stand, of who I am,
I plan to go on living

- Rise Against

This song was written about kids who have committed suicide because they were bullied for their sexuality. But this song isn't just about that, it's about bullying in general. People don't realise how big this issue is. I can honestly say that I've never been bullied by anyone before, but as a human being, we can all relate to that pain. As a society, we need to work to get past these prejudices to become a better nation.

High school does suck. But it always gets better, even if it doesn't seem like it at the moment.

It gets better, I promise you.

2011-06-07T20:58:00.001-04:00

Her eyes are like an opalescent moon that shimmers when the stars meet the sea. The wind paints he words in the night sky like pictures.

I met her on a dreary September when the moon was low. It hung like a glass lantern over the sea. The faint smell of pine trees and sycamore leaves filled my lungs.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I was a ghost and she was a ghost and together we’d sing songs of forbidden dreams to the trees and the clouds.

The ground was silver and cold beneath my bare feet. It burned me with such iciness that it felt like I was walking on a million tiny, sharp needles.

I could see her breath as she walked toward me.

Inhale.

Exhale.

We met eyes and our hands interlocked.

We walked to the edge of the cliff and let the wind carry us away.

Her screams pierced the silence of the night.

And then there was

n o t h i n g.

Saying goodbye is the hardest.

2011-05-31T17:42:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

It has been so hot outside recently, you have no idea. Yesterday was the worst. Yesterday, we had to march in the Memorial Day parade (our school marching band). While we were quite successful, it was so hot at some parts I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'm proud of ourselves though. It was also an audition for us to play at Disney next year. Not to uh, brag or anything, but we looked quite splendid compared to the other schools who marched. We were in full uniform so we looked professional. The other schools just wore t-shirts and shorts, which I think, is disrespectful. I'm pretty sure that one of the other schools called us "stupid" for wearing full uniform. I'm sorry, we're stupid because we have a lot of pride, and we want to be respectful for those veterans who have fought for our country? Uhm, okay. Right now, it's 90 degrees. It's going to be a bit better tomorrow, thank goodness. 80 degrees - still hot - but better than what we have now.

Today, the fire alarm was pulled twice. TWICE. Once before lunch, and once during 4th hour. I was quite angry. First of all, I wanted my food. Second of all, It's way to hot for this, especially twice. It was pulled FIVE times last Friday, when it was the last day for seniors. And it wasn't even a senior who pulled it because all the seniors are gone already. You wouldn't believe the immaturity that goes on in my school. -_-

BUT I'M GOING TO MISS ALL THE COOL SENIORS, GAH. Band is going to suck without them.

I have only 8 and a half days left of school, and I can't wait. I can't wait for band camp and endless where I can take photos all day with my camera Ron. I have a feeling I'll be quite bored though since I have no plans. What I really want is a job this summer. I want that iPod classic so badly, plus band tees that sit alone forever waiting in my amazon wishlist. ;D Plus a tons of bands are coming here this year and I have like, no money now so I need money for concert tix. I'm such a greedy little child.

Finals are coming up, so I should probably go study. Later guys!

The Truth About Drowning

2011-05-31T16:24:00.001-04:00

She drowned her dreams
in the ocean
and walked into it silently
the stars now gone
from her eyes
the warmth now gone
from her heart
The sweet seraphs
cried for her
and the weight
pulling her down
Further into the sea
she walks
without an emotion on her face
Until she's covered with the water
and her light shines no more

My first poem in forever. Well, what seems like forever because it feels like I haven't written in forever. I like this poem though. It's basically about your dreams "drowning" and fading away from you.

I've run out of creative juice to think of a cool title.

2011-05-23T21:40:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

Today was my last day of tennis practice, and though I should be a bit sad, I'll have to admit that I have a sense of relief. I get two hours of my life back that I could use to procrastinate, or focus more on schoolwork because Lord knows I have too much going on right now, now that the school year is almost over and teachers are handing out projects and assignments like crazy. I have to make a poster for and for "section leader tryouts", and I have this stupid project in Geometry and science. And they're all due on the same exact day. -_- Do teachers not get that we have piles of assignments from other classes or do they want to just give us so much work that the stress inside us burns like fire?

On a lighter note, I ordered Star Wars Clone Trooper headphones and I'm in love with them! :D Yeah, you jelly?

On Friday, I went to a school play called Nevermore: The Final Mystery of Edgar Allen Poe. And like all school plays, it was quite awesome. This one in particular. Our athletic program is rather sucky but our arts programs is the best. :) It really made me want to join drama next, but I don't want to drown myself in extracurriculars and so many advanced classes that I completely break down, you know? But it would seem like fun.

Only 12.5 days left of school. Tomorrow is our band concert, and Wednesday we have band rehearsal from 6 -9 to get ready for the Memorial Day parade. Reminds me of marching season when we have 6-9pm practices every Wednesday. God I can't wait to march again.

But for now, I have to do my homework that I've been avoiding, so ~~~

talk to you all later! Keep me updated!

New photos on my photography blog.

Congrats. If you are reading this, then you have survived the so called "Apocalypse of May 21st"

2011-05-22T18:01:00.005-04:00

KUDOS!

(I knew it was utter and complete BS.)

Better post soon.

I have a bunch of stuff that I want to update you guys on, but right now I'm too lazy to. So....

That's all! ^_^

Music Monday: Daytrotter.com

2011-05-16T14:09:00.001-04:00

Mood:happy

I've discovered the website that will make all of youse indie-music listening kids/indie kids/hipsters happy.

Daytrotter.com

I think I'm in love.

I'll just let them tell you about their website.

Daytrotter -- One band a day, every day, 28 Daytrotter Session songs each week

There are so many music/entertainment websites that copy one another, scrambling so fast to “discover” or present something new to the world. And just because you get there first, it doesn’t really make you an explorer. We did poke a stars and stripes into the moon, but we could always see it. We knew it was there. It wasn’t new. We can always come along and say we did, saw, heard something first, but we’re never right. What Daytrotter is attempting to do is to not kid around with you and tell you that we found something that you never knew existed. We are going to contribute to the musical landscape, not just toss it around like a used book or a stolen pick-up line. We’re going to give you something that you truly have never heard. We are not giving you songs from someone you love’s record album, thereby stealing from someone you love. We’re giving you exclusive, re-worked, alternate versions of old songs and unreleased tracks by some of your favorite bands and by a lot of your next favorite bands.

Daytrotter Sessions

These fine people – as they’re traveling through America’s heartland – take two hours out of their travels between shows to stop in for a Daytrotter Session at The Horseshack in downtown Rock Island, Ill. The name of the city is not ironic. They use borrowed instruments, play with their touring mates, utilize an often unkempt toilet, eat some food and then cram back into their vans for the last half of the drive. What they leave behind is a pile of ashes, sometimes a forgotten stocking hat and four absolutely collectible songs that often impart on whomever listens to them the true intensity that these musicians put into their art, sometimes with more clarity than they do when they have months to tinker with overdubs and experiments. These songs are them as they are on that particular day, on that particular tour – dirty and alive. We want you to make this your new home as it is ours. We promise that you will love it here.

An Inadequate Post

2011-05-15T12:13:00.001-04:00

Mood:content

As you can see, I've been trying to begin blogging regularly again, though however much I'm failing at coming up with reasonable post ideas. :3 First things first, I won class president! I am now the class of 2014 president for next year at my high school, and I'm excited for all the things that I can do to help the school! Tori didn't win vice though, and I'm a bit peeved about that because the current vice (who won the position for next year too) didn't do anything, and he probably won't do anything next year either, and plus, I think I told you about how he got arrested for smoking weed this year and he didn't even get impeached? Yeah. But still, I'm glad that I'll be able to make some changes around here, however small.

There's less than a month left of school, and everything is A-okay. Everyone's chill and ready for school to be over, and anxious about finals, but that's alright because summer vacation is almost here. Plus, on Wednesday, the 'fam and I are going to Ohio to see Cirque du Cirlei, so that's definitely something to look forward to. Also, tennis season is almost at its end and I feel like I've improved a lot. Also, starting June I'm taking driver's ed.

I really need to find a summer job because I need money for all the things that are on my wishlist.

iPod Classic 160GB (7th generation)
Star Wars Stormtrooper HeadPhones
Rise Against sweatshirt
Photoshop
Moleskine notebook
Rise Against posters
Frank Sinatra poster
Deathly Hallows shirt
Mumford & Sons shirt
Rise Against shirt
ADTR shirt
The Smiths shirt

The weather here has been warming up now. The last few days it has been 88 degrees.

Nothing else interesting to tell you, really...

:)

Since you all refuse to visit my photography blog...

2011-05-08T21:54:00.001-04:00

I guess I'll have to post my recent photos here. ;3

This is my first 'blend'. I personally think it's horrible.

Happy Mother's Day!

2011-05-08T18:22:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

My mood has been going up and down this quarter. It must be because school is almost over, but the stress of it not yet being over is getting to me. I don't even want to think about finals coming up. Last week was pretty good, actually. We had 3 tennis matches and me and my partner won 2/3.

I haven't posted in like, 2 weeks and I feel so bad. I wish I had more time to write - anything - but I haven't had any time at all. My prose and poetry are getting weaker and writer's block is moving in, and I hope not permanently. All my creative juices have been directed at my photography, and I really need to redirect some of it towards my writing.

My mom found a job for me for next school year. It's a babysitting job, but still... I'll be able to make $200 / month. It'll most likely be after school each day, but hey, it's worth it! Plus the kids are like, 8 and 11 so I just have to sit there. I really can't wait to make some money because there're so many things that I want to buy (an iPod classic, for example, since Mr. Sushi is complete full now... *sob sob* so sad.) and a film camera.

I am so excited for summer. Band camp is something I'm really looking forward to. I can't wait to meet next year's freshmen. It's just an amazing experience every time. The stars are beautiful there. I kinda wish it was 2 weeks instead of one week. Marching season is so much fun! Last year though, I really wanted marching season to end. You know how when it's summer you're like, I want it to be school aleady! But when school starts you're like, Ugh, when is summer break? It's like that. I guess last year, marching season seemed really stressful because we were all freshmen and getting used to it. But now I can't wait!

I'm not sure what else to write about, so you get some pictures of me and my mommy. Pardon the horrible quality. Our scanner isn't very good.

I love my mommy more than Frank Sinatra and Rise Against, (even if I don't show it at times) and that is a LOT of love. Happy Mother's Day!

The Downfall of Us All

2011-04-28T21:48:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

High school has definitely given me bipolar or something because my mood has just been up and down every week. I was strangely very chipper today at school, but then after 5th hour everything just went downhill. Remember when we were little and we just couldn't wait to get into high school? Well, high school sucks. Too much stress. Too many annoying people. If someone says that they genuinely like high school, then I'm going to assume there is something wrong with you. Of course, there are the fun memories and new friends (the rare gems) that you pick out amongst the sea of immature, childish teenagers, of mostly it consists of just stress. I can't wait for sophomore year. I hope it'll be better than freshman year. Freshman year is just too stressful.

Oh, did I mention that high school leaves little room for creativity? Sigh. I can just feel it draining out of me. I can't think of a cool story or novel idea for the death of me. It's sad because in grade and middle school I had a bunch of cool ideas and now I can't think of anything.

Plus, I haven't been updating this blog (or the music playlist) either, and I can definitely see it beginning to suck based on the lack of comments lately. *cough cough* Or maybe you guys are all busy too? O.o

This blog shall be the downfall of us all. ;D (Yes, I meant to quote A Day To Remember).

Oh! See here, see here, I took some new pictures!

Nothing interesting to report, really. Just 5 more weeks until summer break. I CAN'T WAIT FOR HARRY POTTER 7 PART 2 TO COME OUT! :D

I'll try to write some more poetry and prose to keep this blog interesting and fresh. I'll try. :]

The Things That Frustrate Candy

2011-04-18T19:17:00.000-04:00

Mood:pissed off

There's a certain type of people in this world who don't get mad no matter what. And then there are some who are constantly pissed at everyone and everything. I learn more towards the first type, though often in my head I would seem to be perfectly fine but inside I'm pissed the f**k off by everything when it's one of those days. I'm not usually a hater. I find it hard to list people from the top of my head that I absolutely, dreadfully hate because if I've never met you before or talked to you before, even if I hear so many horrible things about you, I could never be able to find it inside of me to downright hate you no matter what I hear. It may be a strength and it may be a flaw. Nevertheless, when I say I hate someone, then you know I'm serious.

Everything has been pissing me off lately. I don't know if it's because school will be over in less than 2 months or if it's something else, but today was just a horrible day. And I owe it all to my info. tech teacher who shall not be named. DAJSDFASDF High school sucks, and it has sucked more ever since I started his class. I heard he was horrible and I should have switched out when people warned me. But I'm glad I'm getting info tech over with this year instead of later years. So anyway, this dude is really pissing me off. Actually, I'm ~~pretty sure~~ positive that he's pissing everyone in the class off. Everyone in the class either has a C, D, or E. Why? Because the guy marks are you down for the tiniest things. I have a D in his class now because I wasn't clear in one line of an email that were were supposed to sent, so he gave me an E on an assignment. What's worse, he waits until the absolute moment to update grades, so you basically remain with the same horrible grade in that class until that last minute.

Last quarter, students went to the counselors and complained about this one math teacher who shall not be named. They were straight A/good students who complained that they were failing because of that certain teacher's class. When they checked it out, they saw that everyone had an A except in that class. If he doesn't update it soon, I'm going to do that, except with the other teacher who shall not be named.

Sorry, my posts have been morbidly depressing lately. Must be almost-the-end-of-the-year syndrome.

ON THE OTHER HAND did I mention that I made symphonic band? It's like the best band. Symphonic got a I rating at festival, which is the best! Plus, only people who care end up in symphonic, so I won't have to deal with all the immaturity that goes on in concert or varsity next year. BOO YEAH.

There's a million other things that I want to say but can't find the words to say.

I suck at blogging now.

I'm sorry.

Better posts during summer. I promise.

High school sucks the creativity out of you.

World's Worst Blogger.

2011-04-12T18:57:00.000-04:00

Mood:content; a little bummed

I feel like the worst blogger in the whole world because I haven't posted anything in what seems like forever. But of course, nothing interesting has been really happening to me lately.

Yesterday was the first day back from spring break. And I have to say, I had a pretty good break. I went to downtown Ann Arbor with my mom and little sister and walked around there for a bit. I've been there before, but I never really shopped around and I was surprised at how many vintage stores there were. I was also surprised that the vintage stuff were just as expensive (sometimes even more) than the regular, newer stuff that you see in malls. But I do truly want to get more vintage in my wardrobe. :) While we were there I went to two indie music/record stores. I've never been to one before, and I have to say, I love it, more than regular music stores that you find in the mall because there's a wider selection, and the music is a lot better, and they don't have any of the horrible mainstream crap.

Then on Wednesday I went to my friend Olivia's house for movie night, where we watched Scott Pilgram vs. The World and the beginning of Rent. Then Thursday, I went to my friend Rachel's house where we watched movies until we fell asleep with the TV on... haha.

Nothing else interested has happened so far. But I am so anxious to find out if I made symphonic band! I surely hope so!

But the reason that I'm a bit bummed is because I'm an alternate in tennis. I got my hopes up that I was going to be a starter. I thought I wasn't upset because it's really not a big deal, but when I got home I started feeling a bit bummed. The thing is, I thought I was really starting to play well. My backhands were getting harder and faster and my serves were getting better too. I also thought that I wasn't that much worse than the girls who were chosen as starters. Or maybe I'm wrong. Sigh. Our first game is tomorrow. Wish me luck!

If you have a tumblr, visit me. I tend to be much more active there now.

But I promise I won't forget you guys.

So tell me, what has happened lately in your life?

Love,

a girl named ruby.

2011-03-29T20:57:00.001-04:00

She doesn't know what to do with her life. She doesn't know. Dreams seem impossible, drying up like a raisin in the sun. Her life fades in and out, just like the gunshots she hears on the street corners everday. Living feels like hell. She wants to escape the rotting she feels inside her heart. Sometimes the pain gets to hurt so much until she can't cry anymore. Stillness rings in her ears. She remembers when she was little she had a dream. She wanted to be a doctor. She wanted to save lives. To cure. But how could she when she herself needed to be saved? From the world? From the prejudice? From herself?

Ruby was six when her mom and dad were killed. She was playing with the old doll she found on the streets. Her family never had any money to buy her fancy things, toys or pretty dresses. But she didn't mind. She's never known anything else. The house she lived in was barely bigger than what would be your room. The kitchen and living room was all in one room. Her mother and father slept on the floor, while Ruby slept on the old, hard, dirty couch. But sometimes, she couldn't stand it, and she would sleep on the ground and have her parents sleep on the couch instead. She could hardly call it a home.

She loved the library though. She would rather live in the library, surrounded completely by piles and piles of books, inhaling the smell of the old wrinkly pages, and savouring the sound as pages turned. It was a small library, and not all of the books are in top condition, but it was the only place where she felt safe. Where she felt she could escape. She's read tons and tons of books. Her favourites were adventures. She liked to escape, as far as she could inside her mind. Books allowed her to do that. Sometimes, she would lose herself in a book and lose track of time. That's how she spent her life. She read and read and read and learned and learned, even when she moved to live with her aunt and uncle.

When she turned 14, Ruby decided she wanted to make a change in this world. She wanted to save lives. So she worked as hard as she could in high school, and got accepted into
Harvard law school. She now is married, has two kids a boy Henry and a girl Alice, and now they live happily in Seattle, where Ruby continues to fight for change.

Of course, this whole story is made up. It was just a story I made up because I was in need of writing inspiration, but who's to say someone hasn't gone through this? I hope you enjoyed this short piece of prose. I was way overdue in terms of writing. I haven't had any time to write lately, so uh, yeah. Tell me what you think.

I can't think of a title.

2011-03-27T16:49:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

So remember in the earlier post, I told you how I was going to a movie night with some of the tennis girls for 'team bonding'? And how I said they didn't really seem like the type of people who I would usually hang out with? I was wrong. We didn't even watch a movie. During the 6 and a half hours that we were there at Taylor J's house, we talked. We talked about everything. Boys, ghosts, death, life, everything, and we all shared stories. After the night, I realised how cool and funny these girls were. Not all of the tennis girls came, but for those who did, I felt so much closer to them than I did before.

We ordered pizza from Benitos and one of the captains went out to buy icecream. The thing I remember the most about the night was that we had a long talk about death, and then ghosts and creepy dreams and when the parents of the girl's house whose house we were at came home (Taylor J), Sarah looked towards the door and said there was someone there and at first no one believed her and then Taylor J said, "Actually... there is." and then the next thing I knew, everyone was screaming. And then when her mom came into the kitchen we all screamed again. It was hilarious.

Well, I have to go back to writing out my lab for science class. I think I'm definitely going to die next year when I take almost all advanced classes. I'm not sure if it even will be worth it. But we shall see. That's all for now. Buh-bye.
Anything interesting been happening to you guys?

If you're looking for an interesting post to read, you've come to the wrong place.

2011-03-26T14:39:00.000-04:00

Mood:content

So I'm beginning to realise how sucky I've been at blogging. I have basically, no post ideas and have been pretty much neglecting this blog. I'm so sorry, you guys. D: I feel so bad. Mostly, I've just been super busy and once I get home and onto the computer, I feel too lazy and tired to blog. I find myself on Tumblr all the time, and though I'm on Tumblr more than I'm on Blogger nowadays, I could never call that place a real blog. My life has been consisting tennis and academics lately. I just can't wait until summer break... freedom, band camp, photography, perhaps a summer job. My whole week was a blur, but all I can remember is that I've gone to sleep at 12am every day that week. Tennis + procrastination has left me little time to complete all the homework I have. I don't even want to think about next year when I'm taking pretty much all advanced classes. What makes school even more annoying is that my Info Tech teacher, who is old, annoying, stubborn and grumpy refuses to update grades so I have an A- in his class, so I have a 3.95 instead of a 4.0 again. BLAH. Can you tell how pathetic my life is?

But on the other hand, I've made some new friends in tennis, 'cause all of the girls are nice. We're having a movie night later at 4:30pm. Thing is though, not all of them would be considered the type of people who I would usually hang with. Our chatter usually consists of boys, music that I do not listen to and some shows that I do not watch. Still, I guess you could say that I'm being quite prejudice here and I don't really know much about a lot of them yet.

If you're here looking for an interesting post, I believe you've come to the wrong place. I haven't had any time to write lately, and I feel my writing and skills of poetry and prose slowly slipping away. I lack inspiration. High school does that to you. Or at least winter does... I know it should be spring already, but where I live, winter lasts almost half the year, leaving little time for warmth. I promise though, once spring is officially here, and it gets warm and pretty outside once more, inspiration will be kicking in and posts shall be interesting again.

For now, you will have to deal.

I'm becoming so boring.

Or at least my posts are.

I can't tell anymore.

a serendipity of photos.

2011-03-18T14:38:00.001-04:00

Mood:happy

Peter is the wolf.

Heartfist.

Death Blossoms

These are all photos that I took recently. The first one, I had that idea for awhile. The paper wolf mask was something Sophia got at the public library during story time. I wanted to do something with it - preferably outside by the woods - but 'twas too cold, so I just took it in my room. I'll probably be using it for other shoots too. The last two, I took just last night when I went to my friend Rachel's house for a movie night. I love her house and her room... she has a whole wall that is just chalkboard and I drew the Rise Against heartfist logo on it. Spring always gives me a sense of inspiration... probably because it's warm, and there's so many thing to take pictures of outside. See more of my photos here!

Something happened this week. I made the tennis team! Dude, was I ever so surprised. I didn't expect to make the team at all because it was the first time I've ever played tennis and at first I wasn't even sure if I wanted to have that commitment of having to go to practice everyday, etc. because I'm terrified of commitment. But the first practice was today and I have to say - I had a lot of fun! 1. I'm actually not bad at it. 2. The girls are so nice! I mean, volleyball was cool when I did it in like the 7th and 8th grade, but the girls weren't exactly my type of people... The tennis girls are super cool, and a few of them are even in band like me. :) I'm beginning to think that I might actually stick to this sport and let it be my 4 year sport.

Next Tuesday are symphonic band tryouts. I hope I make it, though a lot of people already said I have a really good chance of making it because I'm really good (not to sound egotistic or anything ;D) I'm in varsity band right now and the difference between Concert, Varsity, and Symphonic is that Concert/Varsity music is easy and not challenging at all, and the people aren't serious about band. Symphonic is aabsolutely amazing. Mostly upperclassmen and a few underclass, but all of them are serious about people, mature and the music is challenging, but so beautiful and worth it. My section leader even told me to try out for both symphonic and section leader, and I just feel so accomplished to be able to have people who are already in symphonic/are section leaders to say that to me. :) I hope I make it! Wish me luck when I try out next week!

And I'm done rambling, seeing as I don't really have much else to say and you guys probably get pretty tired of hearing about my boring, pathetic life.

Tell me an interesting story about you or anything interesting that has happened to you.

Happy Pi Day, My Sweet Dorkatrons.

2011-03-14T19:11:00.001-04:00

Today is Pi Day . Pi as in 3.1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094 3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548 0744623799 6274956735 1885752724 8912279381 8301194912 9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798 6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132 0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872 1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235 4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960 5187072113 4999999837 2978049951 0597317328 1609631859 5024459455 3469083026 4252230825 3344685035 2619311881 7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303 5982534904 2875546873 1159562863 8823537875 9375195778 1857780532 1712268066 1300192787 6611195909 2164201989.

Today felt like a fairly short day, probably because it was overall a really great day, other than tennis. I think it was because we pretty much did nothing in all of classes. We took pictures in band, so I had to bring my marching uniform. And the best part of the the whole day was that in Mrs. Murphy's Geometry class, everyone brought pies (pies, of all kind, everywhere!) IT WAS AMAZING AND AWESOME. I LOVE PIE.

That was pretty much the only good part of the day, since we've all been looking forward to it for forever. I mean, c'mon. It's PIE. After that, was day one of tennis tryouts. I didn't try out today - mine is tomorrow - so I just practiced. I pretty much fail. The fact that I did not know that it was supposed to take place outside today did not help. I WAS FREEZING. Freezing. And I pretty much didn't say anything the whole time because 1. It was freaking cold, and 2. I've mentioned before that I'm shy and awkward when I'm not around people who I'm used to.

At least it'll be a short week. Half day Thursday for Parent/Teacher Confereces, and Staff Development Day Friday. Speaking of school, I think I might die next year, because I've signed up for:

Accelerated American Literature
Honours Biology
Chemistry
Algebra II
French I
Symphonic Band

Yeah, I'm doubling up on Chem. and Bio. so I can take an AP science class Junior / Senior year. My parents aren't pressuring me to take these classes. I just want to get the most out of my HS career, even if it means I might die in the process because of all the homework and work. Still, I think I'll be able to handle it with the right attitude. I need to get rid of the procrastination, like I'm doing right now...

So, I guess I'd better get to it.

Six Ways Till Sunday

2011-03-10T19:11:00.002-05:00

The years unfold in one moment
The voices that we heard so loud
Are now suddenly silenced
Inside this crowd

And you're surrounded by the lives
Of those who found something to hold
So bringing everybody down
Is all you know

You've been hiding so long
You can't find yourself
In this sheltered life you live
When everything you want is at your fingertips
You'll never know what need is

You're claiming to be something different
So wanting to believe
That you're better than the rest
To make up for your self-esteem
You talk to hear your own voice and
You've left me no choice but to choose
I miss the person that you were
But I don't miss you

You've been hiding so long
You can't find yourself
In this sheltered life you live
When everything you want is at your fingertips
You'll never know what need is

You're the new revolution
The angst-filled adolescent
You fit the stereotype well

1, 2, 3, Go!

You're the new revolution
The angst-filled adolescent
You fit the stereotype well

- Six Ways Till Sunday by Rise Against ♥

We can't spend out lives waiting to live...

2011-03-06T18:11:00.001-05:00

Mood:bored

Why did the weekend go by so fast, while the week was excruciatingly slow? Tomorrow is Monday. This week will be incredibly busy. I might die from all this busyness. Why, you ask? Let's see...

Monday:

Doctor's appointment 3:45pm
3 - 5pm tennis conditioning

Tuesday:

Pre-festival band concert 6:45pm
3 - 5pm tennis conditioning

Wednesday:

Optometrist appointment 3:15pm
3 - 5pm tennis conditioning
Varsity Band Rehearsal 6-ish

Thursday:

3 - 5pm tennis conditioning

Friday:

Band Festival 1:40-7:40

I'm going to hate this week.

So today, I did this to my ceiling:

I stayed up till 2:30AM cutting and pasting this onto the ceiling above my bed. It's a line from The Dirt Whispered by Rise Against. I'm so proud of myself. Doesn't it look awesome? I feel so accomplished. Their new album Endgame comes out in 8 days! I'm so excited! Me and Tori really want to go to their concert in May where they'll be performing with Bad Religion. If you haven't figured it out yet, they're my favourite band ever. I have all of their songs and albums on Mr. Sushi. Oh, and I forgot to mention to you guys - Mr. Sushi is almost full! :( 1252 songs. And I still need room for Endgame. I really want an iPod classic 160 gig, but that's like $249 and I have zip. And I know my parents won't get me another one, so somehow I need to come up with the money on my own.

Nothing interesting as of late. Just dreading the start of the week.

Oh, btw, I took new photos! :) Go here to see!

Sincerely,

P.S. Has anything interesting happened to you guys? :)

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss - Star Wars Style!

2011-03-02T18:28:00.000-05:00

Mood:content

Today Dr. Seuss would be 107. Cartoonist Adam Watson recently drew these Seuss-inspired Star Wars characters…

Obi-wan Kenobi and Darth Vader:

Jabba the Hut:

Yoda:

Han and Chewie:

For more, see the source:
http://themightyadam.blogspot.com/2010/11/dr-seuss-does-star-wars.html

The Definition of Perfection

2011-02-28T21:18:00.004-05:00

"What is with the world’s fucking obsession with being perfect? Talk perfect. Look perfect. Act perfect. There are all these people hiding behind cameras and glossy magazine articles and preaching that no one is perfect; everyone is beautiful inside and out and in their own way. But take one look at the thin, blond model who is spitting these words through her whitened, braces-corrected teeth or the handsome, well groomed New York reporter typing away at his expensive Mac Computer and you know that this “perfectly imperfect” thing is bullshit.

Even from a young age you’re taught to be what society views as perfect. You watch the same television shows and flip through the same fucking ads in the newspaper advertising diet pills and plastic surgeons and “Find Out How To Achieve The Perfect Oscar Winning Body.” You’re preprogrammed by the time that you’re ready to switch from Sesame Street to Hannah Montana to All My Children.

On the news they show you pictures of people just like yourself. People with normal hair and bad skin and coffee stained teeth. During commercial breaks you watch made up actresses with luscious hair living “normal” lives in ads for television shows and movies. They’re the model Americans or Brits or Canadians or citizens of whatever place you reside in. If they can be so perfect, so can you, right?

All you need is a white picket fence and a good job and an attractive spouse and a nice car. You would much rather live the lives in the commercials than the lives of those who appear in the evening news. After all, those people are merely average pawns to whom bad things happen and who themselves do bad things. They are so boring, so far from perfect, the opposite of model citizens.

We waste our lives away trying to achieve the looks of photoshopped faces and airbrushed abs. While we’re busy doing this, we lose track of everything else. We are blinded by perfection. We are blinded from what our governments are doing. They are creating beautiful, looks obsessed drones.

Every single time you listen to the radio, flip on the television, or pass a billboard on the street you are being brainwashed. Brainwashed into a perfection that doesn’t exist. Brainwashed into being exactly the same as every other person who is striving to live up to the fucked up standards of society.

This shit has to stop."

- (from http://dontfeedthehipsterz.tumblr.com/)

I don't have a cool post title.

2011-02-26T00:02:00.000-05:00

Mood:cold

First of all, happy birthday George Harrison!

I've been going to tennis conditioning all week and my legs hurt quite a lot from those lunges which we had to do back and forth across the gym six times. I've never done tennis before, but I thought I should do a sport, seeing as how colleges like to see you involved with your school, and yeah I'm in band and I'm trying out for section leader and symphonic and maybe drum major junior year but sometimes that's not enough. What? I'm a perfectionist. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not. Sure I did volleyball year 7 and year 8 but I wasn't too good at it. I'm also not interested in any sports, nor do I reckon that I'm good at any really and no way am I doing cheerleading, so tennis it is and aren't run-on sentences fun?

The first day of conditioning was quite awkward, though pretty funny. I seriously contemplated on doing track, but after I going for a run one day and FAILING, I realized that track would kill me. Plus, the tennis girls seem more like my type of crowd. So anyway, there were several awkward moments. One was when we started talking about periods and boobs and exposing ourselves during the "introduce yourselves" part. Also, the moment awkward moment was when the coach asked me whether I was friends with ____________ (a certain guy whose name I will leave unmentioned, but earlier readers might be able to guess who). He then explained to me that he's friends with him on Facebook and saw pictures of me and him (homecoming probably, *cough cough*). I wonder if he saw the comments we left on each other's pages too, then? Anyways. I'm sure he knew that we were once more than just friends in a sense. O.o Everyone (most people were either my friends, or friends on Facebook so they already knew, so I didn't mind) was like "*cough cough*". I didn't really know what to say, so I sort of mumbled and said, "Sure..." and let it die off. It was so awkward and I'm mad he put me on the spot like that. Same with when he picked me to lead stretched and pointed out how my body language showed that I was insecure about my serve, etc. I hate people who do that. People who point out that I'm shy. I really can't help it. I hate it sometimes. It's like, dude. The first time you talk to me or meet me I'm going to be awkward no matter what because I wouldn't know what to talk about. But once you hang around me a lot, I'll get more comfortable with talking around you and then sometimes I'll be so crazy and talkative you'll be like, "Woah." Still, most people think I'm quiet and innocent. It's the vibe that I give off. Different people perceive it differently. To some, I give off the innocent vibe and sometimes it's the "Get the f--k away from me" vibe. -_____-

Mid-winter break is almost over and I haven't really done anything productive. Ugh.

Mr. Sushi is full. *sob sob* So sad. :'( I need a bigger iPod. I think I'll start saving up for a 160 GB.

Btw, finally made a last.fm
http://last.fm/user/eccentrikchild

I can't wait for spring to get here. I can't do much photography in the wintertime here because it's so cold. And coldness I'm not too mad about. Coldness makes me want to stay inside. Plus I love the feeling of having a camera around me neck scouting for interesting things to take pictures of when it's nice and warm outside.

Accio spring!

I've been on a creativity block recently. I need something creative to do. I think I'll decorate my room. I want to make little paper cranes and hang them up everywhere in my room and cut out letter from magazines, make a quote with them and then stick them up on my ceiling. Or draw. I haven't done that in awhile.

It's 12:00AM and I'm blogging this. Insomniac much?

Tell me about your week.

Signed,

Random Bemused Ramblings

2011-02-21T13:45:00.001-05:00

Mood:bored

It's finally mid-winter break, it's starting to feel like spring and I am so happy. Fourty degrees fahrenheit during this time of year is considered warm where I live. Plus, all the snow is melting and the sun is out. How awesome is that? It couldn't get much better... except the fact that I have no plans at all for mid-winter break. I've been at home babysitting Sophia and tumbling on Tumblr all day basically. I've discovered the fact that I have no life. 'tis very sad.

I've decided that during this one week period in which I have no life, I'll catch up on literature, music and the arts. One reason I hate high school is because it leaves me barely any time for photography. Add the horrible bipolar weather that occurs where I live (It was super warm and sunny last week and suddenly we have like 4 inches of snow. Stupid bipolar weather. The coldness is totally discouraging. That's why I can't wait until spring. Spring and summer are the favourite seasons to take pictures. I love the feeling of walking around with Ron (to those new followers, Ron is my camera) around my neck searching for things to take pictures of. I've really gotten into portrait photography and really want to practice that more...

As for music, RISE AGAINST'S NEW ALBUM ENDGAME IS COMING OUT MARCH 15TH! WHY IS THAT SO FAR AWAAAAAAY?

*tee hee* Randomness.

I've been debating whether or not to join the tennis team or not. Conditioning starts this week and it was supposed to start today but because of the snow it was cancelled. Yesterday I decided not to go to conditioning because... I don't know. I was being lazy. But I think conditioning being canceled is God's way of making me re-think this and saying, "HEY, GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS AND DO SOMETHING."

My parents have been getting on my nerves lately. Specifically, my dad. I wish I could drive so I could just get out of this house. I'd be the kind of person who drives around for hours aimlessly with music blasting from the windows. I need to take drivers ed and then next year I'll be able to get my license. Yeesh I need to get out of the house. TT_____TT

away we go.

2011-02-12T20:32:00.005-05:00

Mood:happy

Another mix I made on 8tracks. Take a listen and tell me what you think. Pause music player at the bottom. :)

When you're in need of getting away from it all, even if you can't physically, maybe these songs will let you get away mentally.

Twelve tracks including music by Angels & Airwaves, Angus & Julia Stone and Bloc Party.

Happy 164th birthday, Thomas Edison!

2011-02-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

Followers... THE TIME HAS COME.... I need your help and super intelligence.

2011-02-08T19:22:00.002-05:00

Mood:i have no idea :)

Hahaha, I had to make the title sound dramatic. :DDD

First of all, happy 183th birthday Jules Verne!

Second of all, at lunch today a group called the Ozone House came to give us information about their program. It's a "safe, community-based, nonprofit agency that helps young people lead safe, healthy, and productive lives through intensive intervention and prevention services." They basically provide a safe place for kids who have family issues at home and have nowhere else to stay - mainly, "runaways", kids needing shelter, housing, family therapy. Kids ages 13-20 can drop in any time and they have a recording studio, games, free internet access, free meals, food, poetry slams, art, etc. You can stay up to 2 weeks at a time and they even bring you your homework. I've never been there before, but I just want to share this info. with you guys, just to bring attention to how amazing humans can be (when we're not being selfish and ignorant.) Unfortunately, I think it's only a program that's in my community, so I'm not sure if this exists anywhere else. Some people may think that it's just encouraging kids to run away, but really it's preventing kids from doing so and helping kids who want to, or do. Teens and kids can also sign up to volunteer. I think that might be a fun thing to do. ^.^

There's going to be a poetry contest and they are only accepting two people from my school and ten other people from my state or community. The twelve poets will then compete and the winner will receive some sort of national, (or if not national) widespread recognition or award or something. I don't know, I'm not very good at remembering stuff. (Short term memory loss!) I need you guys to help me. I've written quite a few poems, but I'm not sure which one to enter (or if I should write a new one.) So what I need you guys to do is to go to this link:

and pick out some of my poems and tell me which one I should use. :DDDD

http://misscandychan.blogspot.com/search/label/poetry

and you can go here if you want to read some of my old poetry (super old, like 6th grade old), but if you see any that you think I should use, do tell me.

http://allpoetry.com/poem/by/eccentrikchild

And also, I'm trying to think of an idea for a short story, OR a book. Ideas? :D ♥

Love,

P.S. Did anyone else watch the SuperBowl? I was infuriated that the Steelers didn't win. >:( On the other hand, my favourite commericial was the Volkawagon commercial, "The Force". It had me crackin' uuuuup. What was your favourite SuperBowl commercial?

High School Never Ends

2011-02-07T20:30:00.000-05:00

Mood:cold

So today, it has been brought to my attention that our class VP (vice president) has been arrested for smoking weed. Let's call him P. Now, P won the election for VP of the class of 2014. He's either 14 or 15. Now why was he elected, you ask, when he clearly does not set a good example for his student body president? Because he's popular. Actually, that's why all of the student office councils were elected. Because they were more popular. Everyone who I voted for, who I thought actually want this position and care about it - did not win vs. the people who won because they're popular. Is that even fair? I'm not making this post because I ran for president, but didn't win. I was disappointed, but not angry, because I know I can always win next year. :) My friend, who was counting the votes, told me that it was close and that Miss Popularity won only by 8 or 11 votes. About this, though - I don't think it's fair that he got arrested for weed and is still VP. In my opinion, he should be impeached and another election should be run, and my sister (well, really best friends, but more like a sister) Tori will definitely win, because I know she will be an awesome VP.

It got me thinking about how high school is one big popularity contest. That's all anything ever is in high school. When you vote for someone either for office or homecoming court, etc. And it makes me wonder if real life is the same way. If the big guys take what they can get because they're bigger and the little guys only get what's left.

You shall read this post right here.

2011-02-03T16:15:00.000-05:00

Mood:bored, slightly hungry

I have to say, this week was the best week ever. We went to school Monday and Tuesday, then yesterday and today we had no school because of the snowstorm. I love it - though once I was home I realized that I have no life because I really didn't have anything to do except lay around and watch Netflix all day. I blame my dad. He got Netflix. It is awesome. Now, normally if it was spring or summer instead of lying around in the house all day I would have gone outside and taken pictures. Except, there's inches of snow covering the ground outside and where I live, winter is pretty freezing. So I took some indoor shots instead. Photos are up on my photoblog and my new official portfolio (see tabs at the top of blog).

Tomorrow is Friday, and it is also the week before Coming Home. We have a pep band tomorrow too, and I bet it's going to feel like Monday, because it feels like we've just had a weekend before a weekend with the days off.

Nothing interesting has been happening. Really. My life is horribly boring as of now. I just wanted to make a post to tell you guys to check out my new shots.

This post was incredibly random.

You shall click here.

The Thing About Family + Other Things

2011-01-28T22:40:00.002-05:00

Mood:happy

So I just got back from pep band and it was super-de-duper fun. Okay, I'll admitt that our football and basketball teams are - horrible, but our band's the best in the district, maybe one of the best in the state. These 120 band geeks are my family. We are crazy, unique and not afraid to be original. And the best thing is that we're not a stereotypical band. There are no "cliques" or "groups". We all hang outside of band, and different cliques bond together to form something more important all the stupid drama in high school - pride for our school and our (awesome) band. We lost by 12 points. Even so, that's not the point. The point is that I had fun with my friends and band family.

~~Tomorrow I'm going skating with some of my besties.~~ Then after that, me, Tori and Skye are going to a college women's gymnastics meet. (My dad's the men's gymnastic coach of that said college.) It's going to be a fun day, and I need this weekend to just relax and have some fun after a week of exams. I told myself that I wouldn't stess out about grades this semester and I'm not going to. It's not something I should stress about.

Wintertime is great for nature photography, but not so much for portrait. It would be nice if I had a tripod. Maybe I'll save up for a tripod soon. I need to do more self-portraits and portraits.

There's still not much to talk about. That's it for now. Look forward to a poem or prose written by me soon! :)

a promise made.

2011-01-26T17:09:00.004-05:00

Mood:content

I haven't written a personal post in awhile, it seems. Actually, most the posts from last week and week have been queued and set to be published at a certain time, so even though I couldn't post live, you guys would still be able to get posts that were pre-written by me.

Still, nothing exciting has been happening to me. Nothing at all. I did well on my midterms, and I think I ended the semester with a 3.95, which is still really good, but I was aiming for a 4.0. I will do my best to get a 4.0 on my last semester. It doesn't help that the school computer system is messed up, so I can't even go onto PowerSchool and see what my grade is, because it's probably not correct. It's not pressure. It's just that... the best is no longer the best. So I have to try my ultimate best to be the top of my class. I already have a 117% in Geometry because I got extra credit for turning my homework in early for the whole week. That one A- in science last semester in quarter one brought me down. But I'm going to try not to stress out so much on my grades. What difference does .05 of a point make? Besides, I'm going to be taking AP classes throughout my high school years too.

I have a question though, for you guys who are already in high school: Do you have a new GPA every new year, or does it average out after your freshman year? Because I've heard that it's pretty hard to get it up after freshman year. Why is that? O.o

Currently, I've been obsessed with the show The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I'm watching it right now on Netflix and it's so addicting. (Just thought I'd throw that out there.)

Oh, and tomorrow is my mom's birthday.

Yep, not much else happenin'. What have you guys been up to?

The Star Wars Kids Alphabet

2011-01-21T17:02:00.001-05:00

Mood:awesome

Found at Unreality Magazine

I WILL vs. I WON'T

2011-01-18T19:10:00.001-05:00

Mood:nervous

I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my 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midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, I will pass my midterm and finals, 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and so she flies.

2011-01-15T19:22:00.005-05:00

She dances circles around the stars. Fire is an ember that burns inside of her. With shards of broken wings she flies with, southward - onward, onward, towards the sun, her home she flies.

Past purple clouds of lullaby she flies through. Until she has no more energy left. Then she hides her wings in the moonlight and makes her way through the woods, where the pieces of her soul are quietly sheltered in a little glass jar. Whispering to the forlorn Sycamore trees, she tells them her secrets.

It is dark there and cold. She trods barefoot through the dirt. Soft earth meeting her feet like a home. It is dark there, but something glows. Silver and glitter in the distance. Far beyond the horizon - faint jingling of bells.

And then she feels her wings spread. And so she flies.

Awake

2011-01-11T19:17:00.003-05:00

She fears not of falling asleep, but of the nightmare that is still there when she opens her eyes. Reality is all she has known in her dusty little corner. No colour or rainbows. She has never held a doll in her hands or had a beautiful dress in which she danced in.

Voices are what commands her. They beckon to her, telling her to do things. Things that she does not want to do. But she cannot refuse, because if she does she will surely die.

She once had dreams. Stolen dreams that are now but distant memories. She wanted to be a ballerina, she remembers. One that is like a swan, so beautiful and graceful. Now she only dreams of escaping the hellhole she knows as home.

Bags. Bags of what little belongings she has left. She fills them with pieces of her - broken pieces, and then lifts the window latch until she is no longer dreaming, walking towards the direction that will lead her away from her nightmare, until she finds her heart.

The Truth About Innocence

2011-01-08T15:40:00.004-05:00

Mood:inspired

(please follow my photography blog?)

Purple and blue, they cover his skin in splotchy, broken patches. Hands that seem old and withered for someone so young. He should not feel this deep piercing in his lungs. He should not have to cower behind the door, hiding his face, his eyes constantly falling to the floor in the man’s presence.

Tall, dark, a ferocity and evil in the man’s eyes that he didn’t recognise or conceive of, but knew all too well because he’s had to live with it all his life. Breath that smelled of smoke and alcohol.

His innocence was lost at such a young age. Every time he closed his eyes, he could only see that one picture - burned into his mind like hot iron. Every time he closed his eyes, he relived that horrible, atrocious moment. That single act of monstrosity that now lurked inside his every glance.

The Abnormality of Normalcy

2011-01-04T17:56:00.001-05:00

Mood:blarrgh.

[Just a random picture of a chocolate frog, because chocolate frogs are wicked.]

I have blogged about this before in some previous posts, but I'm going to talk about it again, just to vent and I need you guys to help me with this, okay? Okay. Here's the thing: I have come to the conclusion that I am - slightly, slightly introverted. Or rather, shy.

Why, I don't know. Thing is, around my friends or people who I'm used to, I am not shy at all. Rather, I am quite the talkative person. But people who ask me, "Why are you so quiet?" or say to me, "You never talk," are usually the people who I won't ever be talkative around or talk to because those are the people who make me uncomfortable.

I don't talk to you either because 1) I DO NOT LIKE YOU, 2) I don't know you that well; therefore, I'm not comfortable around you yet, or 3) The most likely reason, I don't know what to say to you when you are talking, seeing as how I'm a horrible conversationalist. I really am. Sometimes someone would say something to me, to try to talk to me and I would just find myself just nodding slowly, comprehending what they said with a look on my face that reads, "Mhmm....yeahh, good for you," because I don't know what else to talk about with them. I don't know what to talk about to a person who I don't hang around, who I don't know if I have anything in common with.

Some of my friends admitted that when they first met me, I would just not talk, but they didn't prod me like some people and question why. They talked more and more to me and got to know me. And some of them are the best, closest, and amazing people who I've ever met. And I love them for breaking down my wall.

Funny thing is, all of my friends are LOUD and crazy (I'll admit the crazy part - I love being crazy.) They broke me out of my shell, and still are. I just guess two shy people are hard to become friends with if they're both shy. Haha.

With my friends, I can never run out of things to talk about. We talk about nothing and everything; the most randomest things that pop into our minds. With others, I don't know, I just can't do that.

I guess I just suck at making conversation.

Help me, you guys? Please? :)

Who You Are

2011-01-03T17:55:00.004-05:00

Mood:musical

After a day full of getting compliments on my new hair, before 6th hour a friend said to me bluntly, “I don’t like it. It’s not you.” Now, mind you, she is a very honest and blunt person. Extreme. She either likes you or hates you, she either likes something or hates something. (But that’s why I love her.)

But afterwards, I thought about what she said. Not me? How does she know what’s me and what’s not when I’m still discovering who I am as a person?

Who are you is not defined by what you wear or how you look. Who you are is constantly changing. Who you are is defined by the choices you make each day and your interests, by doing what you want to do.

That, is who you are.

So leave a comment below that would describe you in a single sentence.

Tumblr and How It Ruined the Concept of Blogging (and other some stuff irrelevant to anything)

2011-01-02T15:31:00.002-05:00

Mood:not sure

And admittedly, I have one. What I don't get, though, is how reblogging other people's photos and posting photos of yourself up can be considered blogging. There are exceptions of course. Traditional bloggers do that, and more: they talk about music if they have a music blog, they talk about their own life, their interests and etc. But when people are just getting tumblrs because it's the new "thing", and then just go on there and reblog other people's photos and be all like, "Hey! I'm a blogger. Check me out", I don't know why... it just frustrates me.

People frustrate me. Specifically people who do things just because other people are doing it, or because something is "in" and "cool" and they have to do that or have one too because they want to be cool. They may not even realise that they're doing that, but, I don't know - people who go with pop culture and what's currently "in" just bothers me.

Why not do something else for once? Be unique? Stand out from all the clones in the world?

Be yourself and do what you want?

----------other stuff irrelevant to anything-----x

Today is the last day before we go back to school. School. I think I hate that word. I hate how it sounds. I hate having the feeling of going back and worry about the pressure of keeping my grades at a perfect 4.0, homework, midterms and people who I don't like. Now starting tomorrow, it will be back to waking up everyday at 6:00am.

I told myself that I was going to take advantage of going to sleep early, because with so much homework, I always end of going to bed at 11ish. It's absurd that my teachers give us so much homework. The stress mainly comes from history where our teacher gives us packets and packets of homework each week full of stuff that she doesn't even go over. See, if she actually taught the stuff to us then we wouldn't need to have so much homework. That's the problem. She doesn't teach us stuff. She just gives us work, tell us what we already know, and expects us to finish it. It's neck-breaking. Add geometry homework. Yeah.

But it's a new year and I am going to remain positive. Try not to stress out and worry about every tiny thing. Especially grades. Mainly grades.

I've got friends to look forward to and band. ♥

I'll admit that high school is actually pretty fun. The most fun I've had since elementary school. Just minus the homework and it'll be amazing.

2011 New Year's Resolution

2011-01-01T00:00:00.008-05:00

Mood:gleeful

Happy new year!

Last Year's Resolution:

Finish writing my novel, Hope Is the Thing With Feathers
~~Be more social~~ (well, as social as I can get;D)
~~Be more kind and courteous toward others~~
Be more selfless
Put others before oneself
~~Learn at least 10 new things~~
Be a better daughter, sister, and ~~friend~~
~~"To thine own self be true." - Shakespeare~~ (This, I can say, was the highlight of this year. I would strike it through three times if I could!)
~~Less talking, more doing~~
Less procrastinating
Be more active and less lazy

As you can see, I haven't completed the list... oh, how surprising! (Sense my sarcasm here, folks?) For #1, I started writing that in the 5th grade... and the reason why it's still not finished may be for a number of reasons: if the plot made any sense and were any good, it would probably be finished by now - it's not. (Every time I try to go back and finish it, I have to redo everything and I finally realized that the plot is crap. I wrote it in 5th grade and though it made complete sense back then, it doesn't now,; high school really sucks a lot of energy out of you. With so much homework, I barely have time to finish all of my homework and go to bed at 10:40. I barely have time to read anymore... yes, it's sad.

Numbers 4, 5, and 7... I guess it depends on how you perceive it. Others may perceive that I've always been kind towards others, or selfless, and some not. To me, I know I have been less kind since elementary school. Since then, I've been tired of constantly having to be nice to everyone, and too nice. So to some people today, they may still perceive me as being really nice (which, I am, most of the time), but if you're mean or I don't like you, I'm not going to sit down and be nice to to you. That's just fake and I pride myself on being practical and down to earth. To me - I haven't been a better daughter or sister, or put myself before others. I know I haven't. I can be a selfish person and I hate that. I really do. I think we all are selfish people, but some people have a better way of hiding it. To others, I may seem selfish, but sometimes I just feel horrible, because I know I can help out more around the house and be a better sister and daughter. I'm going to change that.

The last two numbers on the list: self-explanatory. :)

-------x

My 2011 New Year's Resolution

Continue to get straight A's
Help out more around the house.
Be a better sister, and daughter.
Be less selfish/put others before oneself.
Take risks and have fun!
Try to procrastinate less (...just try.)
Exercise more, be more active and less lazy! (At least try, Candy.)
Strive to be the best person that you can be. (and that covers all the fields.)
Learn how to cook... (I know a few things, but....)

May this year bring lots of laughter, smiles, and joy to you and your loved ones.

Signed,

My Top 10 Albums of 2010

2010-12-29T19:57:00.000-05:00

Mood:quite happy

10. Selfish Machines - Pierce the Veil

9. What Is Love - Never Shout Never

8. Revolver - The Beatles

7. Blink 182 - Blink 182

6. Favorite Worst Nightmares - Arctic Monkeys

5. Down the Way - Angus & Julia Stone

3. Our Endless Numbered Days - Iron & Wine

2. Songs for Young Lovers/Swing Easy - Frank Sinatra

1. Lungs - Florence and the Machine

Greetings - from all around the world! :)

2010-12-28T15:34:00.006-05:00

Mood:happy
So this post is a bit late, but it'll do. :] These are all my friends (two that I do know in real life, but mostly awesome people who I've met over the internet and have become friends with) that I sent my greeting cards to. Uhmm... yup! ^.^

From Oklahoma:

Dear Meaganmuffin,

I miss you so much! It seems like yesterday that I left Norman and came here. I'm so glad that we've kept in touch through all of the years. You will always remain one of my best friends, no matter what. :) I trust you had a great Christmas!

From Nevada:

Dearest Bernie,

Somewhere between the years that we started chatting again on Facebook and such, we've become really close. We didn't really talk much in 5th grade - we were both super quiet ^^". But I'm so lucky to have a friend like you! You are epically awesome and Azn ;) and you really give amazing advice. And you're a great listener. Basically, you're just pretty wicked brilliant. I miss you a great deal and you should come visit again! Beware that I will attack you with hugs, though I know you've told me you're not a hugger, but still. xD Haha, I hope you had an awesome Christmas!

From Texas:

Dear Adriana/indie-music and vintage buddeh,

Thing is, I know that if we actually knew each other in real life, we'd be best friends. We have so many things in common! I met you during my very first year of blogging, while stumbling upon your own blog. You inspire me with your amazing portrait photography and you're a super cool person too, with a unique and spunky peronality. ^.^ May the force be with you, my fellow Jedi Knight. xD Hope you had an awesome Christmas!

From Washington:

Dear Hannah,

You have become so many things to me over the year. Even though I don't know you in real life, I know if I did, I would consider you to be the older sister I never had. :) I am so honoured to say that you really taught me all I know about photography. You're simply amazing. And you're a great friend, too! You inspire and motivate me. I trust you had an amazing Christmas! :)

From NSW, Australia:

Dear Rosa,

You were one of my first followers and 'followees' when I first started blogging. You are amazing at photography - digital and film and I think you were one of the few people who really got me into photography. And of course, I always have to mention that I'm super jealous of your wicked brilliant art skills. Like, seriously. :D Oh yeah, and the fact that you're Australian and have an Australian accent makes you 10x cooler. I hope we'll get to know each other more through the new year. ^.^ I hope you had a great Christmas! :)

From Indiana:

Dear Ashley,

I remember when I came across your Tumblr, I was like "ohmygosh this girl is a teen too and she likes Frank Sinatra like me (maybe even more); we should just be best friends right now." I think if we actually knew each other in real life, we would be awesome friends. We would talk about how fabulous Frank Sinatra is 24/7. Thanks for giving me tips on the Frank Sinatra albums, movies and swing music when I was getting ready to buy my very first FS albums and being excited about talking to me about anything Frank. But enough about Frank for now. You seem like a super cool person, though I don't exactly know you, but I am so honoured to say that you are one of my closest internet friends. ^.^ I hope you had a awesome Christmas and New Year. Keep swingin'!

[Not picture: Alexa]

From Arizona,

Dear Alexa,

Even though your dog ate your 8GB memory card (on noez! Bad doggy! ;p hahaha), I thought I would drive a lil' thing to you anyways. Hmm... where do I begin? Honestly, you were the very first person who really inspired me to do photography. I remember stumbling upon your photography blog one day and saying, "Wow. She's the same age as me and her photography is amazing! I want to do photography too!" I remember commenting on all your photos saying, "I'm so jealous of your photo-taking skills!" Honestly, I still am... but just a lil' bit. ;) You are definitely one of my best internet friends. And you really awesome, funny and have a unique personality! I hope you had an awesome Christmas! Don't ever stop shooting. :)

Doodling in Math Class

2010-12-27T19:51:00.001-05:00

Watch these if you're bored and have nothing better to do... which, obviously, if you're here on my blog, reading this post, means that you are, and you don't. So click the play button! :)
*And, like always, don't forget to pause the music player at the bottom of my blog!

Vi Hart is a mathemusician currently living on Long Island, NY. To learn more about her and the creative stuff that she does, click this. :)

Have a holly, jolly Christmas!

2010-12-25T14:03:00.005-05:00

Mood:happy

Love to all my followers.

I love you all!

Merry Christmas! I hope you have a magical one!

Now tell me, what did Santa bring you? ;)

sailing away in the sun

2010-12-23T13:20:00.000-05:00

Mood:calm
New mix I made on 8tracks. My second one, actually. I meant to post my first mix but I never got around to it. ^.^ Take a listen? :) Just pause the music player at the bottom of the blog first.

When you feel like closing your eyes and floating away from the rest of the world...
Ten tracks including music by Angus & Julia Stone, Bon Iver and Fanfarlo.

10 Songs to Soothe a Broken Heart

2010-12-22T20:31:00.003-05:00

Mood:content

I adore girls with guitars. There’s something very empowered about them. This is a list about getting over a guy. I dug through my records to assemble a bunch of tunes featuring girl singers addressing that guy who just made out with your best friend, that guy who just up and left you (and said it was Him, not You), that guy who tore your heart out and drove off in your car. Download the list, get a nice bottle of wine (if you’re of age!), and it will all look better by morning.

“I’m All Right” by Madeleine Peyroux
I love this song. It’s about the things we do to convince ourselves that we’re going to survive the breakup, like try and remember all the annoying things about the guy.

“I’ve Been Loving You Too Long” by Cat Powers
A classic “What am I doing with this guy?” song sung by an indie torch singer…beautiful.

“Girl in a Car” by Kim Richie
A song about packing up the car and leaving and how bad that feels. I discovered Kim Richie recently and I listened to this song ten times in a row.

“Wake Up Alone” by Amy Winehouse
Enough said.

“Somewhere Down The Road” by Feist
This song, from The Hottest State soundtrack, is about looking back at a relationship, remembering how truly awful you were together, but somehow still missing that guy. Leslie Feist is exquisite. Tissues required.

“I Changed the Locks” by Lucinda Williams
Lucinda is the queen of “cheatin’and hurtin’” songs. This is one of my faves. I think she means it this time.

“Something Stupid” by Nancy Sinatra
Another classic “Gee, I wish I hadn’t said that, now he knows how I feel” songs. Nancy does it best. They always have this on the jukebox in bars where girls go to drown their sorrows. Make sure you check.

“Walk a Mile” by Holly Go-Lightly
I always like to pair Something Stupid with this one. Holly is fantastic. She’s British, cheeky, and she has a great attitude. I discovered her while digging through Jack White’s stuff.

“Talk of the Town” by Kate Walsh
Kate Walsh has the prettiest voice. This song is about a girl who’s left holding the bag in a small town.

“Bonfires” by Ricki Lee Jones
Ricki wrote this song to help her get over someone who broke her heart. The first time I heard it, I wept.

One of my most favourite books ever! Check it out!